


F-f-forgetting

by TimeKeepsSticking



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Cutting, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide, attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-16
Updated: 2013-02-16
Packaged: 2017-11-29 10:58:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/686171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimeKeepsSticking/pseuds/TimeKeepsSticking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who takes their deaf boyfriend to the movies anyway?</p>
            </blockquote>





	F-f-forgetting

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Eet](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/17400) by Regina Spector. 



“Come on, Dave! It’ll be fun!”

Dave shook his head again, staring at his boyfriend. For someone so fucking good at math, how could he be so stupid? 

“I don’t like movies,” he signed back, trying to not use his voice. Fuck, he hated it. “You know I can’t hear for shit. You’re lucky I can even read your lips.” John pouted around his buck teeth. “Don’t you dare give me the-” His hands paused as John fixed him with his signature pleading look. “You asshole.” 

John, taking it as a yes, did a victory dance, being dorky as ever. Son of a bitch. Why had he agreed to this?

John grabbed his hand, probably shouted where he was going to his dad, and dragged Dave outside of the house. Dave squeezed his hand, just a little sign to know he wasn’t pissed. John relaxed-almost physically. Fuck. Dave shut his eyes for a second, cursing himself out.

“It won’t happen again, I swear,” he tried to whisper, but he was pretty damn sure it came out as air. He swallowed some fear and opened his eyes to stare straight ahead while they headed to the theater.

***

“What are we watching, anyway?” Dave signed while John grabbed the sodas. He took the popcorn and wrapped his other arm around John, not bothering to get an answer. Probably something Nic Cage related. John lead him to a room, a mischievous smile almost present. Dave cocked an eyebrow, rolling his eyes. Jesus, was it porn?

They sat in the first row, John giggling like a maniac all the while. Dave looked around the abandoned movie theater, cocking an eyebrow again. John tapped him on the shoulder and pointed to the screen. The movie was starting.

Something about subtitles for the hearing impaired popped up on the bottom and he grinned, kissing John’s cheek. John went still and pointed to the screen. Dave tensed when he saw a picture of them as kids popped up. It had been taken right after Dave had lost his hearing.

_It’s like forgetting the words to your favorite song._

Dave sat still as the show continued. Rose’s funeral came next, with Jade and John sobbing next to a stoney-faced Dave.

_You can’t believe it_

He swallowed, biting back a tear as Jade’s abandoned house popped up next with Dave and John staring at the ground.

_You were always singing along_

They started to grow, showing them smiling near each other as much as possible. He watched the words on the bottom of the screen as it progressed, finding John’s hand and squeezing it.

_It was so easy_  
 _And the words so sweet_  
 _You can’t remember  
_ _You try and feel that beat_

The story progressed even more, now to pictures Dave had taken. Him and John hanging out in the back of Bro’s truck, John blushing in a dress, Dave posing in one, John and Dave finally holding hands.

_Bee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-_

_Eet eet eet._  
 _Ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-_  
 _Eet eet eet._

It took on a darker tone, coming onto Dave’s bloody wrists. He’d always cataloged the damage done. The next a picture of his inside thighs, the red scars barely visible. The next a picture of Bro passed out, curled into Cal while Dave tried to feel the music through his headphones. The next, him curled into a protective ball on his bed, nearly covered with his own blood. Fuck. The picture had been taken. The hospital, blurry as ever came into view, and then John struggling against Bro while he tried to get to Dave. He remembered taking that picture with Bro’s phone. Shitty quality, yeah, but he’d wanted proof that John still cared for him.

_You spend half of your life_  
 _Trying to fall behind_  
 _Using your headphones_  
 _To drown out your mind_  
 _It was so easy and the words so sweet_  
 _You can’t remember_  
 _You try and move your feet_

John was crying in the next picture, holding himself closely. Fuck. Dave’s eyes widened as he wiped his tears away. Was that a gun in John’s hands!? The next picture came to the screen unbearably slow and-

Fuck!

John had tried to kill himself, putting the gun to his head and taking a picture that had been written over sloppily. “For you, Dave.” Dave’s hand was nearly numb from holding John’s so tightly, but he managed to squeeze it tighter. The next picture was a small video of Dad coming home and talking John out of it. There were no subtitles, and he guessed the song had also been paused in mid “eet.” He took John to the hospital, where Dave had been put for a month.

_Ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-_  
 _Eet eet eet._  
 _Ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-_  
 _Eet eet eet._

The screen faded to black, and Dave thought it was over. He was turning to John when it came back. He wasn't prepared for the next picture. Fuck. He’d taken one before he was hospitalized, before he told everyone he’d been mugged. Dave flinched from the blood, from the sight of the nearly broken jaw he saw. “I’m sorry,” he tried, but he knew that time it was only air. How could he have hurt John? He was the only one he’d ever have. The only one who was the one constant in his life. 

The only one he loved, and the only one that loved him? 

_Someone’s deciding_  
 _Whether or not to steal_  
 _He opens the window_  
 _Just to feel the chill_

Bro’s funeral came next, leaving Dave breathless. The part of the song that came made him start sobbing, holding a hand to his mouth. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. The car crash had hurt him so badly. He couldn’t walk for at least a month, and he was nearly comatose. But Bro had made sure he wouldn’t die. Bro had saved him, pushing him out of the car when his door flew open. The seat belt snapped from the sheer force, and he had fallen, sliding down a hill. 

_He hears the outside_  
 _A small boy just started to cry_  
 _‘Cause it’s his turn_  
 _But his brother won’t let him try_

Dave turned suicidal again, after the crash. He’d wound up in the hospital more times than he could count before John just started to cry, holding him and begging him to stay. And Dave had stopped, just so John wouldn’t cry again. He’d been told it was a sin to make angels cry; and while he was a godless man, he couldn’t argue with how wrong it was to make his own little angel cry. Dave moved in with John, making his room into their room, making sure they slept next to each other every night. Dad had taken so many pictures of the two smiling and being in love and they exploded on the screen while the song finished. Dave’s breath caught in his throat as they made a cliche heart and exploded again.

_It’s like forgetting the words to your favorite song._

_You can’t believe it_

_You were always singing along._  
 _It was so easy and the words so sweet._  
 _You can’t remember_

_You try to move your feet._  
 _It was so easy and the words so sweet._  
 _You can’t remember_

_You try to feel the beat..._


End file.
